I want to start this article with an acknowledgment of shared responsibility. When it feels like I am preaching to my conservative readers, I am equally preaching to myself. For far too long, I have seen and participated in partisan politics. We often dismiss others—vegans, trans-activists—because their views don't align with conservative or Christian values. But these issues didn't arise in a vacuum. We went from being the majority, common-sense bloc in Aotearoa to a fringe group. Why? Because we stopped listening. People don't trust us anymore because we withdrew when things got tough. We started new parties, new traditions, new denominations, new universities. This shift didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual process of disengagement and isolation. Instead of engaging in meaningful dialogue, we chose to retreat into our echo chambers. This has led to a breakdown in trust and communication. We need to recognise that everyone has a reason for their beliefs, and those reasons are often rooted in personal experiences and struggles. We must listen actively and empathetically, seeking to understand rather than to judge. Only then can we begin to rebuild trust and find common ground. This is not just about winning arguments; it's about fostering a culture of respect and understanding. Let's commit to being part of the solution, not the problem.
I hope this article encourages you to listen, to have meaningful conversations, and to stop mocking those you disagree with. Everyone has a reason for their beliefs, and if you stop mocking and just listen, you'll hear some truly sad and painful stories. I often hear, “It’s not the left that cares, it’s the right.” But everyone cares; we've just become too partisan. Can Labour never have a legitimate point? Nor the Greens? Nor Te Pati Maori? Just because they think differently, are they wrong? Listen to them, show that you care about their point of view, and understand them. When we dismiss others because their views don't align with ours, we miss out on the opportunity to learn and grow. By mocking or dismissing these perspectives, we alienate potential allies and deepen the divide. Instead, we should strive to understand the reasons behind their beliefs. Imagine a society where we engage in respectful, fair, and nonpartisan conversations. We can address issues like climate change, economic policies, and social justice with a spirit of cooperation and mutual respect.
For example, Te Pati Maori voters hurt for their Taonga, their Tino Rangatiratanga, their Whakapapa, their Whenua. We often dismiss these concerns, telling them to get over it, but for them, these are tangible pains. Taonga represents their treasured possessions and cultural heritage, Tino Rangatiratanga their self-determination, Whakapapa their heritage, and Whenua their land. These are not abstract concepts but integral parts of their identity and well-being. Instead of dismissing their pain, we should first learn about the hurt that is felt. Understanding the depth and reasons behind these feelings can help us acknowledge the genuine harm experienced. By doing so, we can work towards healthy restoration. This isn't about agreeing with every aspect of the Te Pati Maori Manifesto, in fact, I think Te Pati Maori’s manifesto only serves to deepen the wounds that have been felt by Maori, but it is the side that is actually trying to bring some image of what “restoration” could look like, and therefore, it is the only option that Maori are given to accept. It is about recognising the need for a restoration and evolution of the partnership between the Crown and the Maori people of Aotearoa. A proper marriage of the two, where neither is more valuable than the other. This sets the stage for adopting and respecting other cultures, allowing for better integration into Aotearoa culture. This mutual respect and understanding can only be achieved when both groups decide to listen to one another. Listening paves the way for meaningful dialogue and solutions that honour both perspectives.
This isn’t the most important topic in this article, but it illustrates that even though I believe the tactics of one group are wrong, I can understand why they hold these beliefs. It is then that we can, with love, talk to them to find a solution. Now, think of any problem we have—whether climate change, exploration, visions for New Zealand, trans-policy, economics, and more. Imagine that we can have open, respectful, fair, nonpartisan, good-faith conversations, understanding one another. I cannot make liberals do this, but I can encourage conservatives to do so. Ask questions, listen to their answers, give them solutions to solve, and they will figure it out on their own. Use the Socratic method and be slow to make statements.
When we approach conversations with an open mind and a genuine desire to understand, we create an environment where meaningful dialogue can flourish. This approach allows us to bridge divides and influence others, even on contentious issues. It's not about compromising our values or adapting our principles; it’s about understanding theirs and then being better equipped to have social capital with others so we can have more meaningful influence. For instance, consider the issue of climate change. By engaging in respectful conversations, we can explore different perspectives and come up with innovative solutions that fit within our conservative framework and that others trust us to be able to handle.
Read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." This timeless book offers invaluable insights into human behaviour and effective communication. By applying its principles, we can significantly improve our ability to build trust and influence others positively. Carnegie emphasises the importance of genuine interest in others, active listening, and showing appreciation. These simple yet powerful techniques can help us connect with people on a deeper level, fostering mutual respect and understanding. In today's polarised world, these skills are more crucial than ever. By being fast to learn and slow to teach, we demonstrate humility and openness, qualities that are essential for meaningful dialogue. When we take the time to understand others' perspectives, we can address their concerns more effectively and find common ground. This approach not only strengthens our relationships but also enhances our credibility and influence. Winning back the culture requires us to be empathetic and understanding, while also defining and standing upon what we mean by the word conservative. By embracing Carnegie's teachings, we can become more persuasive and trusted leaders. This is just one aspect of the broader effort to rebuild trust and foster a more inclusive society. However, it is a critical step that can have a profound impact on our ability to effect positive change.